Thursday, July 28, 2016
As long as we remain tangled in the trance of unworthiness, we will inevitably postpone fully being here, and continue to place the burden on others to take care of our unlived lives for us. Which they cannot do.
Look carefully and you will see how the unmet material of your body, your heart, and your nervous system continue to appear as your lovers, your friends, and your family. As your perception is cleansed, you may see how it takes form even as the colors in an erupting summer sunset.
While the trance once served an important adaptive function, the dream has remained alive within you and is longing for the light of your awareness. Like all harbingers of integration, the dream is aching to be unwound and integrated back into the majestic vastness that you are.
The aliveness you are longing for – the intimacy, the connection, the full-spectrum participation – is always, already here, and available now. You need no longer wait until you first “heal your past,” feel safe all the time, manifest your fantasy partner or career, replace the hopelessness with hope, find the answers to all your questions, or wiggle into some spiritual state you heard about. It is here now.
Honor the role that the dream characters have played in your life up to this point – the unlovable one, the unworthy one, the “broken” one, and the “unhealed” one. You need not struggle with them any longer. You can call off the war. You need not send them away, practice aggression toward them, “heal” them, or “let them go.” For they will let go of you when they are no longer needed to protect you from the surging, achy, tender aliveness of your very own vulnerable heart.
To let in the implications of this is utterly exhilarating. And completely terrifying simultaneously. One world is ending so that the true world may appear from behind the clouds of separation.
Sunday, July 24, 2016
It is not an error that you have been born a sensitive human being, with an open nervous system and a heart that is sometimes raw and broken. Your vulnerability is not a mistake, but a portal into aliveness.
Yes, it is shaky here, but it is surging with the qualities of love. Somehow you have remembered your heart-vow to be alive, which has taken precedence over comfort, safety, and knowing how it is all going to turn out.
While the world may try to convince you to mend the brokenness and to resolve the contradictions, look carefully to see if this response is in resonance with the vow you have taken. For inside the core of the broken is a unique form of light, placed inside your to reveal something the world has forgotten.
Hidden inside the broken and the abandoned are jewels of dark and of light, and the unfolding mystery of separation and union. But this revelation is not perceivable by means of ordinary vision. Here there is no bias for oneness over multiplicity or joy over heartbreak. In the center, all energies and experiences are revealed to be the path in disguise, utterly valid and worthy of your care and attention.
The forms of love will always dissolve, for this is their nature. But love itself is that which never comes and goes. While the path of the heart may not always feel safe, you are the vast space in which all feelings come and go. Take refuge in the warmth and holding of this space, which is overflowing with the qualities of mystery, attunement, and pure aliveness.
There is nothing more safe than that. There is nothing more sacred than that.
Friday, July 22, 2016
It can be excruciatingly revealing to step back and see how much of your sacred life energy is put into complaining about others and about your life situation. Much of this occurs at very subtle levels, however if you have the intention and take the time to see, you can discover for yourself just how prevalent it might be. And from this awareness you can then make a conscious decision whether to continue to abandon yourself in this way, or make a commitment to a new kind of self-care.
When you become lost in the spell of complaint, you place yourself in the victim position of a child, which is one of the most aggressive stances you can take toward yourself. While it may seem you are creating an environment of safety, there is nothing as unsafe as placing the source of your emotional well-being outside you, into hands in which you have no control.
As you explore the actual, embodied implications of leaking your awareness and precious life energy in this way, you may even come to discover it as an act of self-violence. For when you place the burden upon another to take care of your emotional world for you, you abandon yourself, fall into a trance of self-absorption, and lose contact with your own natural wisdom and creativity.
Over the next few weeks, you might aspire to bring awareness to the ways you complain about your life and about others, and open to see how aggressive this truly is – not only to others, but especially to yourself. Each time you notice yourself sending your sacred life force into the activity of complaint, resentment, and blame, you could make the commitment to slow way down, to shift your attention back into the immediacy of the here and now, and ask:
What feeling am I trying to get out of in this moment? What underlying vulnerability am I not wanting to be in conscious relationship with? What am I seeking to avoid, through the activity of complaint, resentment, and blame?
As you reclaim experiential contact with that which you are moving away from, you could then ask, with kindness and with presence: Might there be a better, more skillful, and more compassionate way to care for myself in this moment? What if every time I became aware of the urge to complain, I used this as a mindfulness bell to return into present, embodied experience to see what is asking to be met and cared for?
By honoring yourself and others in this way, you create a sanctuary of kindness – an embodied temple of presence in which you can rest. It is from this sacred rest that you will remove the burden you have placed upon others to take care of your unlived life for you. You will then be free to be a clear vessel through which love can erupt here.
Art by iostephy c/o Shutterstock
Monday, July 18, 2016
When you find yourself triggered. When your emotional world is on fire and you are hooked into shame, blame, and rage. When you notice you are practicing self-aggression, spiraling into addictive behavior, or complaining about your life… slow way down. Return into the aliveness of your body and listen. For your need yourself now more than ever.
Something is attempting to break through, out of the murky darkness and into conscious awareness. Some unmet feeling, some abandoned aspect of yourself, some underlying state of vulnerability. What is it? What is knocking on the door of your heart, longing to be reorganized and integrated back into the wholeness?
As a little one, it was intelligent to split off from overwhelming experience and aspects of yourself that you could not metabolize at the time. But these pieces are looking for you. They come as emissaries of revelation and carriers of an untamed intelligence and creativity. As ambassadors of the somatic world, they serve as gatekeepers of portals into aliveness, connection, and intimacy with all things.
Whether you choose to provide a home for these ones – or you do not – they will never relinquish their search, and will continue to appear as your friends, your children, your emotions, your lovers, and your life circumstances. They will even come in disguise as the mountains, the ocean, the blue, and the purple, to remind you of something you may have forgotten.
Look carefully as your unlived life is always appearing before you. Provide sanctuary for these visitors and their wisdom will be revealed.
Saturday, July 16, 2016
There was an idea that as you healed, you would feel less. That as you awakened, the emotional spectrum would narrow, into to some safe, consistent, happy, resolved calm. But you are seeing that love continues to ask you to feel more.
An old hope that as your heart opened, your vulnerability would diminish, the shakiness would fall away, the tenderness would yield… but you are more raw now than ever before.
As the veil parts around you and your vision purifies, you wondered if you would be more detached, not care quite so much, and rest as the “witness” beyond it all, in some safe place of observation. But everything and everyone matter now more than ever. Love is everywhere, longing to take form through you as its vessel.
Something new is being born inside you, but something else is dying. The invitation is to stay present to the uncertainty, the chaos, and the groundless reorganization. To open into it and to mine the jewels buried in the darkness.
There is an aliveness in the death that is immensely creative, but cannot be known by ordinary means. While it may be terrifying and disorienting to the mind longing for resolution, the body knows… the heart knows. Trust in the fires of disintegration.
While there has been a longing for this level of openness – and for the exhilaration that can accompany it – you may also be aware of a certain fragrance of sadness within and all around you. This is not the conventional sadness of the mind, where something is perceived to be missing, but is the sadness of pure love, pouring out of your exposed heart.
You are willing to give your heart to others and to this world, for you are seeing that this is why you have come here.
This sadness is your true home. Rest there.