Thursday, October 31, 2013
In the forest of your heart, cracks have appeared, so that a new light can pour through. It has come to illuminate the trees and the sweet ones who have taken up residence there. For a moment, you thought your brokenness was working against you, but then you realized that it, too, is a pathway of wisdom inside you.
Your longing is taking you deeper into the forest, where love is at work, opening pathways inside you and revealing how whole you really are. There is no other dimension of experience that is as precious as this one, for it is an environment created of particles of love. They are hiding in the old rotten logs, dancing in the branches, and emerging up through the messy soil.
You are a yogini of the forest, practicing your yoga of a broken open heart, and offering your wholeness to the world.
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Go slow, friends, offer your holding to the intensity as it comes, gently at first. And then let it go – take a walk, touch the earth, feel your heart, look up into the sky. The opening of your body, the deepening of your intimacy with all that is, and the polishing of your heart are not projects for you to wrap up over a few hours, weeks, or months. You are not broken and not in need of fixing. Sit in your own presence and behold the intelligence that is your own body and the creative grace field that are your own senses. There is no hurry here, resist the habitual movement to resolve something, for in doing so you are not being kind to your experience. These days are behind you. What is happening here is far too precious for that.
Go into to the level of raw sensation, below the storyline, under the narrative, and meet these energies at their core. In an environment of loving awareness – and in the field of a revolutionary sort of kindness – it may be revealed that you are not actually being harmed by the mere presence of these movements within. Your sadness, your rage, your despair, your loneliness – you may come to see that they are lit up from within by particles of your own consciousness, empty and luminous, made of the substance of love itself. Inside your brokenness, right at the core of your fear, lit up from within the center of your longing, is a portal; it is a passageway lined with an unbearable sort of intelligence and creativity. Stay near.
When you craft a sanctuary for the light and the dark, the broken and the whole, and the confusing and the clear within you, you will stop the violence. You need no longer wage cosmic warfare against these pieces of yourself, concluding they should not be there, that they mean something about how “spiritual” or “awakened” you are, are evidence of your failure, or a sign of how unlovable you are. What you are is just too majestic for this.
Give yourself the gift of sacred pause. Go out into the natural world and open to the unseen dimensions. Recognize and honor the immensity of the journey you are on, how counter-instinctual it really is, and sense the support that has gathered around you. You are on the journey of re-embodiment, of creating refuge for all your orphaned parts and pieces, for you care so much about this body and this reality. You know that to the degree you open your heart to your precious immediate experience, you will be able to open to another.
You are even willing to touch the unwanted within you, for you know that to do so is to unlock the wild activity of the beloved. She is there, dancing behind the scenes, weaving light and dark, re-wiring somatic pathways within you so that you become fully translucent to her movement.
Go slow, friends, hold your immediate experience and allow it to reveal its secrets to you. Stay close. You are capable of so much, and are being supported in ways you may never know.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
You have arrived at the threshold of the most miraculous journey, of turning toward that which you have previously disowned. When you were little, it was intelligent to dissociate from overwhelming feelings, to leave the environment of your immediate experience, and to disconnect from your somatic-emotional world. While the path of disembodiment was the best way you knew to care for yourself at the time, over several decades of practice, these strategies that once served you have now become embedded, solid, and frozen in the majesty that you are. Something new is emerging and is being born inside you; you can feel this. You are ready to know love as the organizing principle of this reality.
You have arrived at the threshold of re-embodiment.
You are now being asked to engage in the most radical act you could ever take. Doing so will go against almost everything you’ve learned and how you’ve moved in the world until now. It will require a complete re-wiring of your body and your heart. It will feel completely counter-instinctual and will involve stepping into some very unknown territory. It is the most uncompromising commitment you could ever make:
To be kind to your own unfolding experience.
In order to make this journey of (re) embodiment, radical self-kindness must become your new object of meditation. If sadness comes, if shame appears, if loneliness arrives, if despair rages within, practice holding these long lost pieces of yourself in an environment of kindness. These messengers have been sent as guides from beyond, not to destroy, distract, or work against you, but to reveal your wholeness, and the wild, untamed totality of love.
Your entire somatic-emotional reality, and this miracle-like display of your senses and your sensitivity, is weaved together by pieces of oneness and separation. Your sadness, your despair, your confusion, and your longing – while appearing to be dense and solid – are revealed to be made of particles of pure consciousness, filled with a mixture of light and darkness which is brighter than a thousand suns.
You are always being held, friends, but it is a holding that is working outside egoic process and the entire conceptual world. The beloved is holding you, she is the one being held, and she is the act of holding itself. What is happening here is causing the stars to be born.
Monday, October 28, 2013
Dear friends, thank you for your inquiries regarding my therapy practice. I wanted to let you know that I will be working in my Boulder office on Fridays now, and will be able to start seeing two or three new clients. Unfortunately, the rest of my practice is still full, with a wait list. For more information, please write to firstname.lastname@example.org. Thank you.
You are in transition from the known to the unknown, but there is still a part of you that wants it to be clear, wants it to feel good, and wants some resolution to all of the contradictory thoughts, feelings, and emotions. This longing to return to the known is very natural, and can be held and allowed residence in the wholeness that you are. Nothing need be discarded. All is path.
You are in the midst of the process of death and rebirth. So much has fallen away – so much that you thought you needed, so many of the identities you thought you had to maintain, so much of that which is less than whole within you. The “death” aspect of the journey is being made clear, but what about rebirth? You have no idea what is coming next, what will be reborn in the ashes of that which has been taken from you. There is so much energy here in this unresolved place. You are being asked to sit in the fire of groundlessness, and to stay committed to complexity, confusion, and contradiction. You are being asked to let go of the need to resolve something, to wrap it all up, and to spin back into the known. You are being asked to burn more.
What you do know, for certain, is that *everything* that has yet to be resolved within you is coming on display, is being presented to you in peaceful and wrathful appearances, crying out for integration. Your deeply rooted belief in your own unlovability, your terror of intimacy, your fear of dependency, your failures as a “spiritual” person, and your hesitation to move into the scary places – each of these portals is being opened, and you are being invited in. But you are not yet being shown what’s on the other side.
Wherever you look, the beloved is there – calling you home, inviting more and more awareness, taking you into your burning and not away from it, revealing you the most radical truth of this dimension: Everything here is path. You need not discard anything. See through the old belief that there is an obstacle or something obscuring your unfolding and illumination.
Yes, it may appear that your fear is working against you, that your sensitivity has taken the other side, that your aloneness is in the way, and that your confusion must be turned into clarity. But inside the palace that is your own body, the beloved and her emissaries are seeding your entire sensory world with their energies and their illumined qualities. They are using particles of love to open and close parts of you, to flood you with consciousness, and to re-orient you to wholeness.
The beloved is a shape-shifter, and will use the entirety of the relative world to reach you, to open you, and to enfold her vision into your cellular reality. She is preparing the ground for what is next. But what is next is always and forever made of the unknown. Stay there.